I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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