My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
