Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am one with the molecules
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
