Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
