hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
