I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
