someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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