Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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