Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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