You're my little dorito
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
