You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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