he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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