im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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