C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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