i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
