whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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