so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
