I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
