She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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