guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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