she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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