When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
