last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
