i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
