party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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