This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
