I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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