You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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