he puts the penis in happiness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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