do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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