did you get engaged???
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
