she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize