When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
