Plan B is the new Plan A
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
