Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
