dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
