The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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