I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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