Buhtt sex?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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