You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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