I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
