Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dick very happy bro
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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