and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize