Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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