the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how drunk are you?
Several
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
