That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
