Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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