Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
