Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
