Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
