you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
