I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize