I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize