somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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