so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
