Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
