I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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