you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
