how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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