Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
