I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
