i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
