I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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