: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
