During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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