do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
