i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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