he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
