im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
