I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
